"The Great Burning", a Short Film

                                         “The Great Burning”

Title.

Screen text:
“The World thinks that the Koran burning in Gainesville, Florida did not take place. But we have discovered a videotape, made public here for the first time.”

A close-up of a roadside municipal sign:
                                                       Gainesville, Florida
                                                       Population 125,904
                                                “Sports drinks started here.”

A close-up of a Bible with a cross prominent on its cover. Fingers holding the Bible are visible. The person holding the Bible pulls it back, revealing the Pastor’s stern face staring into the camera. He has a pink face, a white ex-pro-wrestler-turned-biker mustache, and a white over-forested pompadour.

Pastor:
"Today we stand up ‘n’ stand out. Stand up for what we believe. [Holds up the Bible.] Stand out from the ways of the World. [Makes sweeping gesture as if to brush away the World.] Today, we’re burnin’ us a table-ful o’ Korans. [Pronounced KO - RANS.]"

Medium shot. The Pastor looks away from the camera, over his right shoulder, and points to a table behind him. The table is filled with stacked books. Next to the books is a portly, blank-faced congregant. The Pastor returns to looking into the camera.

Pastor:
"And the high and the mighty, they said, 'Oh, no, no, no! You can’t do that! What about peaceful Allah worshipers? What about our so-called friends in the Middle East?'”

The Pastor looks back at the table, then back at the camera.

Pastor:
"But we say, 'Who’s gonna start somethin’, if we don’t?'  Today we make us some history. The fuel is primed, and the bonfire is ready to be lit."

The Pastor looks over his right shoulder at the table behind him while extending his left hand the other way to a person off screen.

Pastor:
"Rufus?"

The Pastor starts moving his reaching left hand in a circle, as if impatient. As he does so, a hand appears from off screen, near his left hand, holding a lit cigarette lighter. The Pastor is still looking behind him at the table. The hand with the flame circles, as if trying to dock with the Pastor’s circling hand. The portly congregant lifts his hands in mute warning, looking anxious.

Suddenly, the flame touches the Pastor’s sleeve, and the Pastor’s sleeve ignites. The congregant in the background looks aghast. As flame travels up the Pastor’s arm, the Pastor turns his head and sees it, surprised.

Pastor:
"What ’n Gideon’s grapes?!"

The Pastor hollers and spins as the portly man goes off camera and comes back with a broom. He starts to beat the Pastor with the broom, to put out the flame. Other people, with various sticks, etc, join in beating the Pastor to put out the fire.

Pastor:
"Put it out! Put it out! Do somethin’! I’m a walkin’ trash fire here! Hose me! Get the flame off! For the love of Peter’s pepper, somebody put me out before I incinerate!"

The Pastor goes down, below camera. Another person joins in, beating the pastor with a shoe, to put out the fire. Someone comes in with a fire extinguisher and fires it down at the Pastor. The Pastor continues to holler.

Pastor:
"Put it out! Put it out! I’m fricasseeing here! Put it out! It burns, dang it, it burns! Now quit hittin’ me, boys, that ain’t doin’ no good! Ya’ think you’re helpin’, do ya?! Call the fire department! Call an ambulance! Who’s hittin’ me with that dang shoe?!"

Suddenly, the pastor stands. He is engulfed in flames. He flees to the right. Most follow him, but the portly congregant stays back, watching everybody else go.

Pastor:
"I’m a burnt biscuit! I’m a scorched fritter! I’m a toasted toadstool!"

Off-screen voice:
"Stay still, will ya’! Stupid bitch, now I’m on fire!"

A gate slams, followed by silence.

The remaining congregant picks up a Koran from the table and opens it, glances in it, and glances in the direction of the Pastor.

Credits.