The Night of the Santa

Tonight, I'm sucking on my Sherlock Holmes pipe.

And I'm deducing the following: clearly, Santa Clause is a vamprire.

Think of it: he does all of his work at night; he's been around for centuries; he lives in a far, obscure, and lonely place, served by his slave minions; he flies through the air. Convinced?

Now that we know, what do we do?

Well, that really depends upon your point of view.

One idea is to cover any cross you have hanging near the fireplace. Simple courtesy, people!

The other end of the spectrum is to trap him and hammer a stake through his heart. Preferably a stake made from a tree that had mistletoe.

But frankly, I favor the first idea. Not that I approve vampires. I really don’t.

It’s this: when it comes to killing vampires, people just don’t know what they’re doing. They think that they do because they’ve watched Blade and True Blood.

But let’s get real. That’s Hollywood. I don’t know about you, but I can’t watch a movie about my own profession without groaning. When I see a law movie, I only actually see ten percent of the movie. That’s because the rest of the time my eyes are rolling up in their sockets.

Is it the same with you?

It has to be the same with killing vampires. I mean, people who really know what they’re doing probably laugh through vampire movies. And those are the very people who don’t get a visit from Santa Clause.

So, as they say: don’t try this at home.

Because you wouldn’t want an angry Santa.