Sleepless

I couldn’t sleep and I tried to get help. Narcotics had side effects that I hated. Marijuana, a blessing for many who are seriously ill, was for me a childish thing that I needed to put away.

So I learned that the Word is true: God gives sleep. (Psalm 127:2.)

1. Watches of the night.

I learned the truth of that when I learned that God also gives wakefulness. I would wake up in the night. I would wake, by my watch, exactly on the hour – 5:00 a.m., 4:00 a.m., 3:00 a.m, and so forth. Coincidences exist, but I considered this coincidence to be too marvelous.

And I felt that God was waking me to worship. But at 3:00 a.m., I had other ideas. Instead of getting up and kneeling next to my bed, usually I would pray in my recumbent position. Soon I would be asleep again.

God was patient. In the meantime, I shared my nighttime wakefulness with a Bible-study group I attend. I shared my wonder about whether God was calling me to rise and pray. (I had convinced myself that this was an open question.) The leader of the group said that she believed that I already knew the answer to that question, and she was right. She suggested that I rise, pray, and go back to sleep. That became my habit, more or less. ("More or less" because I am made of clay; I try to be honest about that.)

This would happen for a while.

2. Peace.

But though God wants us to be awake, he also wants us to rest. I might be right or wrong, but sometimes when I wake at night, I believe that it is only my old enemy insomnia come to visit. I slip its grip without chemical help now.

I tend to pray. Usually, prayer gives me rest. But when it doesn’t, then at least I’ve prayed; I’ve communicated with my Lord, and I haven’t fretted about not sleeping.

3. Night prayers.

 Prayer at night for me is different from prayer in the morning or during the day. My mind is at least a little foggy. So rote prayers are a blessing in those times.

So I might say the Lord’s Prayer. ("Our Father, who art in heaven . . ..") I might say it slowly, focusing on each word as if each word were a bead to be rubbed between the fingers. Or I might say or sing (in my mind) a familiar hymn.

Lately, I’ve tried to memorize prayers that I find in the Bible. The book of Revelation has prayers said in heaven. I’ve memorized two, so that I might repeat them in unoccupied moments during the day, or in the night when I can’t sleep. One is this:

To him who loves us and freed us from our sins by his blood, and made us to be a kingdom, priests serving his God and Father, to him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. [Revelation 1:5-6 (NRSV).] Another:
Worthy is the Lamb that was slaughtered
   To receive power and wealth and wisdom and might
and honor and glory and blessing! [Revelation 5:12 (NRSV)(this is really a hymn).] Everyone is different. I’m reading from the journal of the amazing Frank Laubach. To him, as I understand him, the best prayer is prayer that asks God to direct your prayers, accompanied by a listening ear to hear that direction. I’ve done that, and I find that I pray more imaginatively, more freely, when I do. But I also find my efforts at rote prayers suitable, as exercises in praise, as praise is done in heaven, using words shaped by holy persons or heavenly beings.

4. What’s your experience?

Maybe other people are doing this, and they can add their own helpful experience to what I’ve written. Maybe this will be a blessing to people who find themselves awake at nighttime and tired in daytime.

5. Prayer.
"Sweet is the sleep of laborers . . .." Lord, teach us to us make good use of our time. In those cracks or chasms of time between busy-ness and hurry, and in sleepless times at night, let us be laborers in prayer, serving you with our thoughts and our words when we are not serving you with our actions. Amen.