Hatred

Maybe no dictionary says this, but I tell the difference between anger and hatred this way: anger is an emotion that makes you upset when something isn’t as it should be; hatred is the desire to destroy another person, either physically or emotionally.

1. Personal experience of hatred.

In law school, a man hated me. He hated me before I had spoken to him. He hated me before I had spoken about him. When he looked at me, his face and his body language expressed hatred. He hated me so much that once, when I held a door open for him, he hated taking a favor from me.

I never learned why he hated me.

Today, I had a Facebook exchange with a man from Washington State. His views were extreme. He presumed to tell me what opinions I held, and he said that there is no difference between a liberal like me and a communist. I have lived under communism. I know the difference.

I was glad to debate him, but the debate turned hateful and insulting. At that point, I told him that I had had enough. I said:

One of the beauties of being insulted by someone who doesn't know me is that I don't have to care about their opinion.

 This is getting to be 90% insult and 10% substance. I'm not willing to follow you there.

 Go with God.

Of course he got the last word. He replied:

So, the Communist Manifesto (which I directly cited) is neither authoritative nor substantive in a discussion about Marx. How does that work, exactly?

If facts insult you, perhaps the problem isn't the insult, but your relationship to the facts.

And I will go with God, thank you. (Unless, by "God", you mean Barack Obama, or big government, or unionism, or whatever agent of raw coercive power you liberals are idolizing this week.) First order is to protect the God-given Natural Rights of the individual human being, which means working to destroy modern American liberalism and utterly marginalize its tyranny-pimping adherents, such as yourself.

Of course, I had never said that "the Communist Manifesto . . . is neither authoritative nor substantive in a discussion about Marx." So I don’t know what he was responding to.

And, for the record, "tyranny-pimping" is a good phrase; but this is the first time it has been applied to me, so far as I know. It's ironic that he closed with that phrase, after saying that he was not about insult, just facts. If that counts as a fact, it counts as a fact in the style of "This is no insult, asshole."

This man is only the latest case of hatred I have been subject to based upon my political beliefs (or in this case, based on my supposed political beliefs). But it’s not the first. I have had sharp exchanges with others on Facebook. I try to respond calmly. I want to create goodwill. I fail often. I’m human. I’m part of the problem.

As I read the news, this kind of exchange, this kind of attitude, seems common.

2. Hatred as a mystery.

This troubles me: we are a nation dominated by Christians. Eighty-three percent of us self-identify as Christians. How can this hatred pollute the national life-blood of a nation dominated by Christians?

How can people boo Ron Paul when he invokes the Golden Rule in foreign policy? How can people literally applaud the idea of a man dying because he chose not to buy health insurance? How can we condone torture of prisoners?

You can spend your entire life learning Christianity. But the basics are simple and can be grasped in minutes. And some of the basics are: Love your neighbor as yourself. Love your enemy. Judge not lest you be judged.

We know this. We just don’t live it.

3. Hatred in America: crude explanations.

There’s no simple answer as to why hatred swallows up love like the lean cows of Pharoah's dream swallowed up the fat cows.

Part of the reason is that we’re sinners. Our hatred is a variety of sin. "A dog returns to its own vomit", says the proverb.

Part of the reason is ego. There’s a little, or a lot, in us that wants to dominate – to be gods. The serpent appealed to Eve by telling her that, taking the fruit of the tree of knowledge, she would become like a god. We are Eve's children. And we hate what stops our ideas and our wishes and our ways from covering the world, as if we were divine.

Part of the reason is fear. When I fear that I’m losing control over an important outcome, I hate. Sometimes in an important case I can give a judge point of law after point of law. It can be so clear to me that I deserve to win and that I should win. But with a few judges, giving them points of law is like trying to shovel flies through a door: they never seem to cross the threshold. That’s when, afterwards, I have imaginary hateful dialogues with the judge.

Part of the reason is a culture that rewards hatred. I used to listen to John and Ken, two radio hosts. One day, I realized what was absorbing about them. It was their caustic, dramatic indignation about whatever they happened to be outraged about. It was like coffee. It exhilerated. And I used to watch Keith Olbermann. He also was a hater, and his hatred made him rich. I read a couple of books by conservative Ann Coulter. Her books were orgies of hatred. People admire all of these persons. And we become what we admire.

Because of my religious beliefs, I also believe that there is a supernatural influence in hatred. I once saw a judge, rightly respected by many lawyers, warp with fury, to the point that she apologized to me the next day as soon as I came into her courtroom. Rightly or wrongly, I had perceived a devil behind that fury, a devil who's presence I had felt the night before the judge pushed her pins into me. I won't say more about that.

4. Confronting hatred.

Because of my religious beliefs, I also believe that ultimately only God can save America from being smothered with hatred. And to the extent we aren’t smothered with it now, I credit God.

But we have to take some responsibility and do what we can to create good will among people with whom we disagree.

The first step is believing in our hearts that good will is important. In this sense, I value the hateful exchange I had today on Facebook. Because I don’t like being hated. And there is that saying, "Do unto others . . .." It provokes me to defy hatred.

The second step is cultivating a spirit of forbearance. Easy to say, hard to do. And how it’s done will depend upon each of us, in our own way. Except that I think that prayer is essential.

The third step is cultivating a spirit of mutual forbearance in others. We have most influence over those we are closest to. But even with those we are not close to, there is that proverb, "A soft tongue can break a bone." We should practice soft words.

5. Apology and conclusion.

Maybe his essay is a rambling failure, poorly organized, with nothing new to say. It’s a creaky cart. But it carries a message that’s so important that it can’t wait for a more perfect carriage.

Personally, I’m going to disagree with my friends. I’m going to express my opinions. Sometimes, I will express my opinions strongly. But I hope that when I do that, I do it with the best of wishes and the highest respect and as much love as my crinkly heart can yield to.

Hatred makes me anxious. It makes me worry that, if this spirit percolates throughout society, instead of sharing a harness going forward, we’ll be turning on each other like fighting dogs. Torn from our own strife, we’ll be helpless before nature and before our enemies.

Making love and forbearance a priority makes sense.

God willing.